fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
