Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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