there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
