It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
