he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize