one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
