1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
