3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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