Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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