dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
OPIZZABONMYDICK
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
