My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
