my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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