Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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