i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
