I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
