I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
