Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
