I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
