he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
