I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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