Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
