filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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