Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
