I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm sobbing to NWA
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
