Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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