Sponge bath it is.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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