my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
