Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
