the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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