You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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