wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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