I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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