What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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