Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
