The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
