What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
