he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
