we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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