okay pat passed out under dana's car
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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