Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
