I could make wine with my vomit
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
