I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
