Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
