Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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