i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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