I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
