do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
