she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
