Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
