Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
