It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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