someone threw a dead crab at me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
they're like a gay fantastic four
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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