sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
