and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
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Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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