i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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