So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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