Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize