Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
