Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
