Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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