so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
