Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
