pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
