How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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