I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
