Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
if only i could text you this smell
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
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You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
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The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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