I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
