Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
This is the high leading the old right now
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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